Where am I?
What are the rules?
How to behave?
I don’t know where I am; I’m not feeling anything; damn!
Silence.
I feel alone.
Lonely now too.
Not even the invisibles are visible to give me my next clue.
The yearning has stopped.
Yes, that yearning for you!
***
I see this big piece of virgin white canvas.
On the floor many paint brushes to use and adore.
Paint is there too.
Could this be my clue?
I don’t know how to paint.
I am afraid to fail, from anxiety faint.
The odd thing is; I want to paint so bad.
Why do I feel so mad?
I feel all alone.
Is this life as Gods’ clone?
I pick up a brush.
My mind whispering soothing words: “Hush hush.”
I dip the brush in pink paint.
Star speckels flying in front of my eyes, will I faint?
My heart is racing, my feet firmly grounded on the floor.
Where do I start? What do I do?
Life doesn’t feel like it used to.
***
Abstract is what my first painting turned out to be.
Doesn’t make much sense to you, but for me?
I keep practicing until one day soon the painting is exactly how I envisioned it to be.
My life; it doesn’t make any sense, but at least I do feel free.
Trying to understand is like viewing abstract art from up close.
If you back away so the canvas won’t touch your nose;
it makes sense and its full beauty you are now able to see.
Standing up close’ll make meaning and beauty flee.
No longer is it all about me!
It’s the bigger picture; that this unity-consciousness gave to me.
How come I thought, life would be instantly great, knowing that I now consciously co-create?
[...] painting this weekend with a friend. I was happy and excited for her. But I felt paint envy too. I’m dying to paint. I really do. I’m also scared I’m gonna faint. I have no idea how to paint. Maybe it’s just like writing. You just have to start and [...]
[...] can be a means to drop the hyper from focus. That would be cool, if you ask me. I’m ready. Ready to paint. Even tho I still find it very very scary and am scared to faint: I want to paint! Will you guide me, just like you’ve been guiding me, thru this [...]
[...] me do the jive, if I had a lot of money and never having to worry ’bout it I could even buy some paint supplies. Cuz you know what I said to my mom too? “This creative side of me is just starting up and I [...]
[...] ’round the globe. We’re super stoked! Doing some surfing, he’s teaching me how to paint without having to faint and there is tons more we [...]
[...] Starseed. I know I’m a starseed. Beyond doubt. But what’s with Zenith (time: 2:22) and what’s with wake-up? Am I not awake? Or is it not for me? Is it meant for someone else, number three?? Dunno, these words come out automatically. I don’t know if it’s the same as when you paint. I dunno know, never tried, I’m afraid I’m a gonna faint. [...]
[...] How many times have I not seen the triple digits of 555 while I write? Too many to count. It really started when I entered a New Earth. That was somewhere near the end of October. It’s now March. The third. And it’s [...]
[...] An abstract painting. An abstract sculpture. My words are just that. Abstract. All you see, written here on this blog, is an abstract piece of work. But there’s this beautiful amazing thing about abstract. If you look at it real close, you’re missing the point. It doesn’t make any sense. And so you take a few steps back. And while you are stepping away from the abstract piece of work, you gain perspective. With every step you take, a new perspective is seen and you let go of the old. Like layers are being peeled away. You are amazed at what you are starting to see. You see things you were not able to see when you were standing up close to the abstract piece. [...]
[...] 144.000 is the square root of our worlds population? Wouldn’t surprise me. Apparently, that critical mass was reached somewhere late October. I didn’t know it, I felt it. And so I wrote it. On that day; I [...]
[...] Now that I’m be-ing re-assembled and put together like a new human; [...]
Cool Asli, happy you like it. LOVE n smiles to ya.
this was amazing. it really made me think . . .
Hi Jerry
Thank you Jerry for your soothing words. It is of comfort knowing I’m not alone in this and not the only one who thinks she has completely lost it at times.
Great analogy, the kids. Yeah, for me physical part of ascending is the hardest for sure. I can live without knowing next how i’ll have food on the table or where I’ll live, but to feel like an alien at times in my own prettay dense (at the moment) body at times, is just plain awful. That ‘carrot’ is still dangling in front of my eyes, though the distance does seem to decrease, slowly but surely. LOVE 
If it is any comfort. Just know that you are not alone. I often have doubted and continue to doubt ascension. But in my heart of hearts I know it is for real and no other explanation makes sense. I think we are much like small children who ask if it christmas yet. Just impatient. I have been on this path for at least nine years but did not know it the whole time. That is not very long is it compared to the enormity of the task. Some days I wonder if I will survive phyiscally this shift. But does it matter we will get in the same place anyway. Our little mundane concerns are just that mundane. Whether we meet our sole mate, whether we have enough money for the rent. We are so much like children which is what we are in this new world just babies learning the ropes. Trying to walk before we can crawl.