The Scientist

It is 11:55 pm. I woke up hearing a Coldplay song in my mind. I wasn’t sure of the title of the song but one sentence was repeatedly playin’ in my mind:”nobody said it was easy..” Yeah, tell me bout it! But then I started listening to the song and it started with these lyrics:”come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are.”"I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I’ve set you apart..”

“Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh let’s go back to the start.” The song makes me cry. The name of the song? The scientist. And it makes me think of (time:12:00 am) Einstein. It also makes me think of last night and how angry I was. Angry that I’m in this race. And how exhausting it really is. Would I sign up for it again? No. Not. In. A. Million. Years.

Well, it might not be necessary again, in a million years. Maybe in 26.000 years, if we’re not gonna make this shift. But we’re already makin’ it. Right now, the first wave is in the middle of it. And it truly is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. (time:12:03 am) The numbers agree with me.

(draft saved:12:03:23 am)It is nice to wake up hearing a song. Tho the writing still doesn’t flow and last night? I had a little bit of a panic attack. The writing really really doesn’t flow and I thought bout meister Eckhart. And how he says he can’t write over here. Germany, Holland: the energy is compatible. And I can’t write (word count:273) here either. The well is dry. This energy truly doesn’t support it. And it’s killing me. Without inspiration? I’m a living dead.

That is actually what most of the past four weeks have felt like to me. I’m sorry; but I’m not gonna lie. It’s true. I really don’t like it here. I’m not gonna deny what I feel. You can say all you want bout “all that is now is perfect’, but all that is now isn’t perfect. O sure, I understand that it totally is, as everything is perfect, it always is, but I’m not going to deny the feelings inside of me. (word count:376) For if I do: I will really become sick. Ill, like the rest of the world.

And now that we’re at it, lemme throw it all out. What I really wanna say is;”I fucking hate it here, I hate it here, I hate it here!” And don’t you say you never have those thoughts or maybe even say it out loud when you think no one hears you or is watching. Someone always is. You! And you are a god.

And the worst of all is, I know exactly why I’m here. O yes, yesterday I had another bout of clarity, hit me. I’ve seen the bigger pic. I’m here to activate a shitload of the second wave. Still doesn’t make it easy and it still does not make me like my job. Joyful Opportunity to Be? Scrap Joyful, cuz that left me the minute I was thrown out of the country. Correction: threw myself outta the country. Cuz yes, I am re-sponsible for my life.

(time:12:12 am)Fortunately; I had another little bite-size of clarity hit me yesterday. It was a bite that was nutritious, not fat or high in carbs. It was pure nutrion. My contract is fully served. Yes! I’m done. This last little bit, that was written in those tiny little letters at the end of the doc, easy to be missed? That was this shit. Family bizz. Did I enjoy it?

Nope. Not one bit. Did the fam like it? Time will tell. They sure as hell seem to be convinced that I’m crazy. It will only be a matter of time that they too will see, that I’m? Better Now. Totally and utterly: in-sane!

(word count:660)The song? Made my day, cuz I know it came from you. Hoping I really no longer do. (time:12:21 am published:12:34, I must’ve been on a roll..) Name of the piece: The Scientist. Yeah, I’m tired so I thought I’d just copy/paste it.