Meow

I have written 573 posts so far. It is 11:33 pm and I had a nightmare last night. I wish I could write I had a nightsweat too, as that would mean I’d gotten rid of some of the excessive water I retain; but no nightsweat. I went to bed around eleven pm (Dutch time) and five minutes after I got myself comfy in bed this enormously loud very high pitced peep started to buzz in my ears. “ET’s near?” Telepathically I tried to pick up on something but no messages came in. I just lay there until the beep would dissapear. I don’t know (time:11:37 pm) when it disappeared cuz I fell asleep. Deep.

(word count:111) An unknown dog just walked into the house. Weird. And this morning a cat was scratching the front door. Meow. Cats are left right front ‘n center in my life these days. The redness in my face is reducing. Thank goodness. That is one of the strange physical symptoms of being in this Amazing Race which is clearing up. My protein intake is off the charts and with that? My hair and nail growth too. The amount of water I drink each day? Easily come to five liters. I’m amazed at how much water I need.

Maybe that is because we are being pressure cooked. All the steam that is leaving (or in my case stayin in my body?)the cooker needs (word count:234)to be replaced. This period between the lunar and solar eclipse, some call it the wormhole, is intense. I’m not gonna lie. And yesterday I almost got (time:11:44 pm) buried by a wave.

If it weren’t for water. Cuz water saved me. ‘Round ten last night I just had to shower. I could no longer deal with all that was goin’ on inside of me. The pressure was immensely almost unbearably tough. Nuff. I let the lukewarm water fall over me.(word count:317) I just stood there, wet hair covering my face. After a few minutes I was no longer capable of standing up straight: I sat down. Knees bent, my elbows poking in the flesh of my quads to support the weight of my head resting in the palms of my hands.

(word count:370) I felt incredibly alone. Sick. Exhausted. Tired. Drained. Empty. I wanted to scream, cry and bang my head against the wall my fists supporting that gesture. But I didn’t. I just sat there. Water pooring over me non-stop. Breathing. Being. Feeling. For how long? I dunno. Five minutes? Ten? Fifteen?

Finally I did cry. It felt like I finally released the last parts of the empath in me. Empathy lowers its frequency. (word count:444) Compassion stays neutral. Yesterday I felt the effects of empathy. I’m no longer to be lowering my frequency. That book is closed. I’m to remain neutral. If not? I am payin’ the price. Big time. Regardless of my love for you; I’m always to choose self-love over thee! Neutrality is the purest form of self-love.

I’ve released that little girl in me which was still attached to her daddy. And I cried some more.

***

Time? 11:55 pm. Draft saved? 11:55:22 pm. My nightmare? Helped me to release this part of the story. This morning I feel calm. And ready to go for a walk in the morning dew. I wonder why that lost dog walked into the house. And I wonder ’bout the scratching cat too.

Life as a Crystal? Might sound rich. It isn’t always easy. Water saved me. No lakes or oceans in da hood? A long shower’ll do. I was long over due. Published? 12:12 am.