Free

There is this ‘fear’, while sitting here;

at the Adventure Centre.

The name of the place is not a joke;

plus the architecture is really dope.

I’m feeling good but not so stoked;

about the thought that just poked;

my brain.

******

Didn’t I say;

when I think; I emote?

No joke! 

I do not feel, that the thought I had is the real deal.

Also; didn’t they or he say:

some things are better left unsaid?

What if….meeting this man; has to do..with my dad?

I probably should not have said that;

but they want me to go ahead.

*******

I had to let go; of my dad; since my birthday on December seven.

He has not heard from me since; nor have I heard from him.

There has been no fight; no one cried or lied.

But I can’t deal with a dad;

who doesn’t take re-sponsibility;

for himself.

The following might sound, like a little thing;

but to me;

(which might explain the name queen-bee my sister once gave me;)

it was the proverbial water-drop;

that made the bucket overflow.

*******

I am not not talking to my dad;

because I am mad;

not even because I might be sad.

It is because I am not being true to myself;

if I let someone else delve;

a hole for me to step in;

yup, that’s him.

He doesn’t realize he does;

and so I must;

be the one; to break the chain of ‘fun’.

I choose me;

before I can choose you.

That is how we evolve to the light.

Not by holding hands with folks who are still in the dark;

once the contrast gets really stark;

they might see;

how to be-come free.

It is pure and unconditional love for thee;

why you haven’t heard from me.

*******

We choose our father and our mother;

even our sister and our brothers.

Together we set out this script;

and in human life we act according to this duality shit.

Until One wakes-up; wanting this perceived misery to stop.

Misery doesn’t end;

if you focus on the same.

Once you start playing the Love-game;

the script can be given a whole new name.

*******

Back to last wednesday.

The man I met; my heart felt he is pretty rad.

He is, ofcourse, not my dad.

But he probably is; closer to his age, than mine.

We might go for a coffee or ‘dine’.

I got an e-mail from him this morning and since that time;

I am thinking that I might have aligned;

myself;

to deal with some unresolved dad-issues?

Do I unconsciously ‘use’;

this man;

to be-come, who I already am?

********

He might be reading all this. (wordcount: 444)

But I can not hold back;

this thought -attack;

something that is left in the dark;

is clarified when brought to the light.

I say to thee; bring it to the light for me.

You do know by now;

the difference between thinking and be-ing.

When you are;

clarity brings you far.

When you over-think; life tends to stink.

That heart of you knew;

in an instant.

That mind of you;

tries to find every possible excuse;

to abuse;

you.

Stepping into the light;

is the easiest yet hardest flight;

we’ll ever be on.

Aren’t you ready for a new song?!

C’mon!

****

Ok.

I’m not sure, whether I should post this.

Not yet am I getting that ‘hit’.

Might it be;

I’m afraid what he;

will think?

Fear does not stop me;

to free;

this post into ‘my’ online space.

I create;

my own fate.

All I do, comes from my heart.

It knows that which I do through be-ing; is the smartest part in me.

******

They make me see; one more thing.

The minute you stop to cling;

to a thought;

it has the chance to transform.

In your case; from fear to love…

What you are not afraid to say out loud;

is much less likely to come about.

What you suppress be-comes stress;

and attracts less;

lust for life!

******

Besides;

time and thus age does not exist.

It is just my mind that makes a linear thing of this.

It tries to create something that is;

something other than bliss.

I have no doubt that in the coming days, I will keep you in the loop;

whether I stepped into that proverbial hole.

Now, I’m back to being a mole;

in my cellar.