The Olympics...

 

Premonition Premonition Premonition, is what they kept saying all day in my head;

yesterday.

Last night I figured out, what it was about.

I had to see, another movie.

I am in awe; of how those movies I’m guided to see;

trigger the exact ‘right’ thing at the ‘right’ time, in me;

for this ‘story’.

*********

Ever wish you could go back in time;

to re-set something so the outcome would be fine?

For a few years after I made a decision;

I did live with this feeling.

Through the movie it came back to me;

 and it made me see, another ‘story’ wants to be set free.

***

It’s quite profound to me; how we lead ourselves exactly there where we need be.

You see;

I live in a town that is a mere thirty minutes away; from where the Olympians in a few weeks are gonna play.

Again.. the Olympics are brought my way.

Or should I say;

I led myself here; to find out; that this time ’round;

I will not disappear;

and again re-act to fear?!

***

Early January 2002, I made the decision to leave the Olympic team.

Later on, my coach once said it wasn’t rad, because I would’ve been on the final team.

At the time; I didn’t care; the whole bobsleighing adventure had caused me a lot of despair.

I needed air and wanted time;

with my new boyfriend with whom I’d fallen in love with; o what a crime.

Plus after two bobsleighing crashes and a concussion;

I was left with fear to ever again step into the sleigh, so I said nay.

To make matters worse; the next bobsleigh track we were supposed to train on was known as a foul curse.

Amongst the men athletes it was known; as the most challenging and rough track there is.

Well, this miss; had suffered enough bruises, concussions and political games;

that all these factors together made me say:

I’m gonna stop this play.

***

The day, when I made the choice, I could feel in my being, but never expressed this with my voice ;(last draft saved:11:11:55)

that this decision was one with a far reaching impact in my life.

Ofcourse I didn’t know how, what, when or why;

and as time went by;

I totally forgot about this feeling; which, for a moment back then, was very reeling.

***

They said to me; I’m a smart cookie, I might figure this ‘story’ out;

before its end.

Well, you, joohoo can you lend me a hand?

All we can say is this time around;

there is no need to bend;

for the pressure of attention.

You have grown into your own.

It is shown;

in these words here.

No need to disappear;

to dim your light in here.

No more re-acting to fear.

You are Crystal Clear.

***

That is odd… I forgot about that too.

The above might not look like a clue to you;

but to me; it triggered another little part that wants to be free.

One more reason why I never got to act during that 2002 Olympic season;

is that I feared all the media attention.

I didn’t like all the fuzz over something my heart wasn’t in at the first place.

I decided to race;

in bobsleighing;

for maybe that would be a way; to make the Olympic Games.

My ’true’ love; track and field;

I made that yield;

because I had the believe I’d never make the Olympics because I’m white;

do not have the right genes; to ever become a 400 meter sprinting queen.

Today; no more higher, faster, swifter for me.

Goals, resolutions or intentions no more to be.

As long as I live from the heart;

life is the opposite of hard.

My intuition clues me in;

on what to begin; or to let it spin;

away from me.

Goals made me go away, from the one thing that is all we got.

Now!

My mind thinks it needs goals, intentions and resolutions.

Do you think angels make a list;

on which they write down every single one of their wish?

Nah.. they are constantly in their bliss.

For them there is no time;

they are always fine.

They are one with their mind.

It makes them uber kind.

They also see the bigger picture.

And that we live our lives blindly in cycles;

the stage, props and peeps look different;

the feelings are the same.

That’s how we re-peat the same exact ‘play’;

over and over.

***

A few days ago I hit my head; I wasn’t upset.

Even though it hurt like hell; i feel it has cast on me a spell.

I’m just done taking a shower and while at it; in came one after the other ‘hit’. (time 12.22)

Somewhere early October 2001 me and my pilot crashed with our bobsleigh during a training run.

I can tell you that crashing is the opposite of fun.

It happened two days in a row; after the second one I was taken in an ambulance;

to the hospital.

I was very dizzy, nauseous and feeling plain weird.

It appears;

that even though right now I do not feel dizzy or nauseous, but somehow;

I do feel ‘wierd’.

Will all of this be cleared; once I’ve figured out, what that head-bump after taking a shower, was about?

I do know it set something in motion; plus it made me re-member;

a plan I had last summer; but never followed up on;

until this hit in the head; made me act.

***

Back to where we were at; the media attention.

While taking a shower, out of the blue; I re-membered that back in I guess it was 2000;

after one year;

I steered clear; from studying communications.

I had so many fears and hesitations; to do presentations.

Even though all the teachers said I was a natural up there; (time: 12.30)

Before I was on I was always in utter despair.

And so I thought it would only be fair; to switch from studying communications;

to something that gave my body less fear implications.

Human Resources it was.

Though eventually I got a degree; in Marketing you see. (time: 12.34)

It was due to my sports-schedule; that I transferred to a Uni specifically for athletes.

Even though marketing was never my fortay; my whole being said hooray;

when I finally got a degree; thinking: “Now I am free;

of ever having to go to school again!”

Damn; how I hated studying.

***

In the movie premonition; Linda wakes up; right before the movie stops.

It made her prevent from instead being utterly spent;

to in the end;

have something new to be born.

Because she had a premonition she was able; even though people around her thought she was just unstable;

to have a better end and make amends;

with her man.

Even though the final outcome was inevitable;

she was able;

due to waking-up; make something fatal;

come to a better end.

Her man, who was going to cheat on her; didn’t do so;

because Linda was given the down-lo; on an upcoming show.

***

My man back then, did cheat on me.

I knew when he left to attend the Olympics in 2002;

it was the beginning of the end for me and him.

All we have is now;

this movie that I’m in; is about to end; (time: 12.44)

they are telling me this time I don’t need to end up feeling spent.

In fact; they say; with the Olympic Games coming my way;

I’m already in a new play.

Because I am awake within my own movie; it won’t end all shitty and groovy.

I have no clue what is next; they say there is nothing I need to expect;

but the unexpect.

I wonder what is next?

I still can’t figure it out, but having written the above out ‘loud’;

I know I’m about;

to fully lift the veil.

Will it pay for my next meal?

Why is the energy, using me;

to write all that has happened in my life;

and put it live;

for you to see?!

***

Everytime there is a major influx of light energies;

I’m being pulled into this ‘vortex’;

that makes all these memories re-surface and trigger me;

until I see;

o jee; I have to write.

If I don’t; I’m going absolutely crazy.

You see; that is how the energy is using me!

While at it; I feel fantastic!

And more and more I start to see;

how our physical reality really is nothing more than plastic.