A three some!

For a minute, when I woke up to the smell of freshly made pancakes made by my upstairs ‘landlord’;

I thought:”What if my family back home wants to pay for a ticket for me;

so I can come see;

all of them?”

Right now; I’m still chewing on the idea;

but for some reason, it feels like ‘treason’..

Not sure why; but it almost feels if I were to fly;

out of this country;

I’d be ruining my own movie-flick.

Then again; maybe it’s just another mind-trick. 

But I stick to my gut; it tells me to stay ‘stuck’;

in this town.

I’m betting my family wouldn’t pay anyway, to have me come their way. 

It took me by surprise too; this faint feeling of maybe wanting to go ‘home’ for a very short trip;

my family would flip;

if they read this.

I guess these feelings were induced by this Christmas flick:

Four Christmases. 

It was a great re-minder, of what it would be like for me;

if I were to go home.

In the dome where I grew up;

my dad still lives.

Never did it feel ‘right’ there for this miss. 

I’ll tell ya a creepy story:

the house that used be right beside the house where I grew-up;

well… 3 people separate from each other willingly made their life stop.

They killed themselves!

Three!! peeps in row!

Not because they were outta dough;

their life-juices just stopped to flow. 

One of them my dad and his brother had to take down;

he hung himself  with the use of a rope;

not super dope. 

Nor were my dad and his brother stoked. 

********************

I was sixteen when I moved out; that’s when I went to the States for a year.

When I came back home; I thought:”No way can I live again, back in this dome.”

So I broke free from ‘home’ and went on to live; in the town where I went to go to college.

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Gradually I started to notice, that everytime I went home;

I started to feel very very uncomfortable. 

But I wasn’t able;

to put the finger on the sore spot.

******************

While I was living with my boyfriend at the time;

he always said:”Don’t whine, going to your parents will be fine!”

He just wanted their approval; over my bodies disapproval.

The closer to my birth-home we would get; the more my belly would get upset.

By the time we would have arrived; in my stomach butterflies had stopped to do the jive;

instead, they were super upset. 

So the first thirty minutes I’d be on the couch; out like a dead-beat mouse.

*************************

I’m writing this story for a reason; for it was my mind playing a game of treason;

on me.

This story has been set free;

that a trip for me;

to go ‘home’, wouldn’t be like ‘shalom’.

I am finally home in my own ‘dome’;

no longer do I want to expose my body;

to vibes; that don’t align;

and do not make me feel fine.

There is something about that energy; that so imprisons me;

I’m sure if I’m there for a week;

the thought of wanting to kill myself would come to a peak.

It might not even have anything to do with the people living there;

but the energy of that piece of land, ain’t treatin’ me fair.

It causes me deep despair.

I’m guessing the other people there;

those three who killed themselves;

and who have turned into little elves;

couldn’t stand the energy there either.

**********************

This is odd too; the next story that pops into my head ‘for you’;

when I first met my ex, he had already bought a new home.

Later on in our relationship it also became my dome.

We moved from his old place into this new ‘super’ home.

The night before we would move into ‘our’ new place;

I was sitting in our new bedroom my hands covering my face.

I was crying like a baby; I couldn’t stop!

He said:” What’s up?!”

I said:”Somethings’ off, it doesn’t feel right, there is something about this house, it doesn’t have the ’right vibe’!”

I didn’t want to move; from ‘our’ old place, to the new;

maybe I already knew;

it would be the beginning of the end for us two…

Guess what happened in that house, the one the night before moving I was crying in like a little upset mouse?

In that house;

I tried to commit suicide.

It took ‘me’ a ride;

to the emergency room; and some other gloom and doom;

to have a psychiatrist tell me that he thinks I’m a genius.

Just like you, right now I’m wondering where the bleep this story is gonna go to?

From bad energies around and in the place where I grew up, to suicide and now one more thing,

they no longer want me to hide?

What ride, are you taking me on?

Miss Apple,

you might think you ain’t that smart;

but your heart; is!

Because of this; and you my miss;

listening to it’s bliss;

your genius has come to life;

in front of your eyes doing the jive.

You might not fully comprehend just yet;

nor can you ever expect;

what will be next.

Trust that this ‘little’ writing game;

will bring you more than just ‘fame’;

We know fame ain’t the carrot you’re doing this for;

You’ll adore even more;

what you can’t expect.

Prepare yourself for the unexpect.

Listen to all the cats;

who have been ‘in your face’

over the last few days!!

Re-member what the cat said?

Just maybe….you should listen to that!

*******************************

Wow…this whole story really took me by surprise.

That is why I gave myself this feeling this morning;

which made me think I maybe would’ve liked to go home for Christmas.

Now I know; that isn’t true;

those feelings were induced so my next clue;

could come out for me and you.

So happy I no longer re-act;

but act like my own ‘suspect’;

I observe myself; like I’m someone else.

Yet we are One; a great three-some!