Hair despair

It is exactly 12:12 when I look at the clock.

No shock, for me: numbers is just a way for them to communicate with me.

With this they make me see; I’m totally riding the energy-wave of 12:12, so I can totally

and utterly be, my authentic me.

***

Speaking about authentic; I usually pull my hair back way slick.

But I’ll let you in, on one of my ‘secrets’.

Naturally; my hair is super curly.

Right now on my head; is a big towel;

my hair is still wet.

Today; I might not get upset; nor fret;

over my hair.

Gone are the days of curly-despair.

Today I will wear my hair; the way it naturally wants to be.

My hair is exactly like my writing you see.

All over the place; from left to right, up and down, round and round.

Often accompanied by sound.

But the curls do make sense; even though they are holding me in suspense;

the curls have a beginning and an end.

Yet they never stop; growing.

No longer is it snowing; outside.

It’s raining so today I might just hide; inside.

When I wear my hair naturally; it looks way shorter than it actually is.

Might that be the case with this story?

Once it’s done, you probably read it in an hour or three;

but I had to give 31 years of my life to be;

authentically me.

Now that I’m stuck, getting to my ‘plot’;

I wonder whether I should drop;

this ‘anxiety’;

over not knowing what’s next.

That actually makes me upset; it takes me away from here;

right now; really is the only thing that counts somehow. 

When I write; I’m in that pool of infinite possibilities;

its where they hand me one after the other clue.

Here comes out another story for you.

***

It is somewhere in May of 2009.

I feel totally fine; this writing of mine; was just put online.

The first story was about a butterfly.

It really did surprise; me.

I had no idea; that story wanted to be. (time: 12:30)

Nor did I know; you would see, all my life-stories that wanted to be set free.

It just happened ‘to’ me; due to following the flow; of my heart.

***

A friend of mine, in May 2009;

did a huge favour to a friend of his.

I did not know this miss.

Turned out, she is a huge blogging hit.

One of the worlds’ top bloggers.

Without me knowing; my friend had asked his friend; instead of returning the favour to him;

to help me with my blogging thing.

She promised him; she would do just that.

It really did not turn out that rad.

From the get go; I could sense; something that was rather dense.

Excuse after excuse came in; to help me get this blogging thing;

on the road.

Then I decided, I did no longer want to walk around with this load;

and said to her:

“Thank you, but I don’t need your help, I’ll help myself.”

Nothing personal, but if help does not come from the heart;

I’d rather run hard;

on my own path; than having to rely, on someone who does not make my heart fly.

So I stopped this ‘spin’, what could have been my ‘in’ into this blogging-world-thing.

She was a bit surprised and did reprise:

“I’m sorry for one after the other excuse; but I did peruse;

 a little through your work, and well… it’s just so….different…you see.”

That’s when I knew: you really do not SEE me.

That’s ok, we all have our own way and our particular way to say;

how we feel and see;

the world in which we are all together be-coming, hopefully: free!

Just because I don’t write according to the rules of society;

doesn’t mean I’m any less.

In fact; in this worldly ‘mess’;

I no longer think, that I ‘stink’;

I finally see; the world is ‘crazy’, not me. (wordcount: 660…66=33= illumination, just fyi..)

***

Now you see how this story;

through my curly hair, to me is fair.

Yesterday I was playing with my pubic hair;

in the shower.

I know how this sounds; but it wants to come out.

Yesterday I even told this story to my friend;

I even said:” OMG.. I really hope they do not make me write about this!”

Ofcourse they do; joohoo! (crap…!)

But here’s the thing about this pubic thing:

in the shower I sing and do my cleaning thing;

then I started to mold with soap a tiny mohawk of my pubic hair.

I had to laugh out loud.

Gosh.. right now, I’m soo not proud; of these words coming out.

I’ll embrace my embarrasement; for I might resent;

not knowing what these words want to show me.

So, I’ll let these words rip for free.

I do hope some money;

will come my way; for “making’ me say; all this!

You might re-member one of my previous pieces;

in which I wrote about being in despair over my hair;

and not being able to wax cuz my financial situation ain’t so stable.

Now a few months later; I am no longer a hater;

of my (pubic) hair.

My bikini line is just fine; a tweezer keeps the hairs away for quite some time.

Having no money, nor a honey; made me very creative;

in ways to take care of myself.

Thank God it no longer affects me how someone else;

might percieve all this.

This miss; is just happy that I finally am ok with all my hair.

And I really don’t care;

whether you are bald, black, white, red or upset;

about your hair.

It’s only fair; to yourself

to accept something that naturally wants to be!

***

The other blogger ‘she’;

I totally like her work you see.

She gets a lot of comments; sometimes up to fourty three!

But I don’t envie.

I love seeing, someone being;

succesful at what they love to do.

Just because she didn’t ‘see’ me, doesn’t mean I don’t see the beauty in you!