Appel is Apple

My curiosity is triggered; words in my mind’ve flickered.

Restless I become; for I know its ’bout to rain ‘n then some.

A flood of words; are my loving curse.

If I don’t give in; self-hate will win!

****************************

Before I started to write; myself from the world I’d rather hide.

I did not know, that today would show;

why, it’s me, who’s been freed;

by these words’ greed and speed.

**********************

It is late January 2009.

Ain’t feelin so fine.

If I don’t find a way; to express myself;

I will loose; my mind.

My designing friend; the one to whom for three hours my help I would lent;

introduced me;

to a painter.

I’ve always known; that someday; I’d also be a fabulous painting creator. 

Don’t ask me why; it’s something in my;

be-ing;

that might still need some free-ing; for my first painting to start see-ing;

the light.

*************

Me and the painter are having tea.

Before we agreed to meet, I had not yet set myself free;

from becoming crazy.

A few weeks later; I no longer could be called a self-hater.

Almost overnight; I stopped this fight.

In full surrrender; the writing was given to me; now all it does is set my ‘story’ free.

The painter and me; we had tea;

to discuss creating.

Yet when the date was set; I did not know my desire to paint;

had to wait.

The writing came first; I guess it had a bigger thirst.

***********************************

Why is it me, through which this writing is set free?

Is it only because ‘why’ could be my middle name; if it weren’t already for trouble and lucky to have claimed that fame?

Trouble is dropped; acceptance of fear made that stop.

Now something in my mind just popped!

Wait a minute, could it be; that by you looking at me;

you’ll also be setting yourself free?

Is it my story; while living it I felt no glory; (wordcount: 333!!!)

through which you can relate to my fate?

****************************

“You ain’t that special”, my sister once said.

You can imagine I was more than a bit upset.

How can I not believe the words of someone who’s so cool?

Over her clothes I would drool!.

Later on in life, she once said, something I totally did not expect:

“You are like a queen; you are very insecure,even though you have very high self-esteem.”

“There is something untouchable about you, it comes through in whatever you do.”

Often have I wondered ’bout what she had said.

Its been ages since we last met.

We are all good now, but wow; the pushing away of me she always did; sure did mess with this miss.

Where is this story gonna go?

I’ll continue to follow its flow.

************************

Cobra-style!

Recognizing the abstract best seen from a mile.

Locked somewhere in my minds’ file;

was Karel Appel.

By accident I found his webpage.

I’d never seen his face.

Next I saw him at work in his place.

That truly is amazing grace;

at work.

********************

Mesmerized I am, by the above man;

in the video.

Looking at his facial expression alone; he could be in a rodeo.

I’m sitting in a room, but really; the room is sitting inside of you!

There is my clue!

Ah! I’ve been waiting for you….

What you see is what you are.

I’m looking at Mr. Appel, Apple in English.

Boy.. I wish;

this could be figured out.

Wait… here comes another shout, that wants to be let out:

“What’s with the word cloud??”

I wonder aloud.

******************

Now its getting interesting, this whole thing.

This ‘ascension-story’ is gonna make me sing.

That’s what this writing-fling; is makin’ me feel.

To me, that is very real!

Feelings are abstract, not like science; exact.

*********************************

Why am I being led, to a painter, who’s last name is like this writing-creator?

My vision pops into my my mind.

My heart is wide open; no longer my vision can hide.

It’s for everyone to see, what set me free.

*****************************

I am looking at Karel Appel at work.

Is the clue; to make me see; I am just like a certain ‘he’?

Full of creativity?

Yet I pushed it all away; because I was never able to say;

who I really am?

How does a person transform if there is no fear no more coming from Uncle Sam?

Is that why I am;

writing these pieces?

****************

The vid is such a great gift.

What a beautiful portrait of the inside being born on the outside.

That truly is multi-dimensionality in action. (wordcount: 777!!)

The kingdom of God made flesh;

that is all every Master ever wanted to profess.

The painting is the painter; inside out.

The difference between the painter, the paint and the painting?

The last two, have no clue.

That’s why the painter has a mind just for you two.

So he can decide, whether he’d rather hide in pain;

or be bold, ready to be scold; in Gods’ name.

******************************

No longer will I claim; that in God’s name;

I got some online writing fame.

Can’t you see; the writing that came to me:

I gave to myself?!

Who else?!

I am the Divine made flesh.

That, I will profess.